An article on “The Family” which appeared in a recent copy of The IUA Journal has inspired me to reiterate the concerns raised and expand upon this theme.          

Following are two consecutive paragraphs in The URANTIA Book which suggest to me a very strong warning to our society and to modern day parents (underlines are my emphasis):

The advances of true civilization are all born in this inner world of mankind. It is only the inner life that is truly creative. Civilization can hardly progress when the majority of the youth of any generation devote their interests and energies to the materialistic pursuits of the sensory or outer world.

The inner and the outer worlds have a different set of values. Any civilization is in jeopardy when three quarters of its youth enter materialistic professions and devote themselves to the pursuit of the sensory activities of the outer world. Civilization is in danger when youth neglect to interest themselves in ethics, sociology, eugenics, philosophy, the fine arts, religion, and cosmology. [1220:.2,3]

I think they are trying to give us a warning here which we all should find quite alarming. Notice in the above quote they refer to youth three times in connection to the danger of civilization. Note the words “hardly progress”, “civilization is in jeopardy” and “civilization is in danger” all connected to large chunks of our youth not being concerned with the inner life--rather being concerned with materialistic pursuits. We as parents and/or citizens who read this book have a responsibility to take heed of this warning and see what we can do about this problem. When I see the state of youth in western society, I can’t help but wonder just how far away are we from these critical statistics the book mentions--majority of youth and three quarters of our youth. Are parents today wise in their children’s upbringing? Are our homes educational and do they rear responsible adults? Are our education systems balancing the drive towards materialistic professions with pursuits which enhance the inner life? What can we do? I don’t presume to hold the answers but we can turn to The URANTIA Book for guidance in our individual commitments to our solemn duties as parents and citizens of our society. The purpose of my article is to share with you some thoughts on these matters which I’ve gleaned from our great guide, The URANTIA Book.

The parent-child relationship between mortal creatures and God is the central theme to The URANTIA Book and is most definitely at the core of Jesus’ gospel. We are told that we can better understand the nature and character of God, thus come to love him, if we think of him as a perfect father or a perfect parent. This helps us to understand God’s attitude to us, especially if we have experienced parenthood. We all know what it is to love our children and feel nice and warm inside because we know God loves us in the same way, but how much do we understand about the wisdom side of being a parent? We have been given two perfect divine role models from The URANTIA Book--the Universal Father and Jesus of Nazareth--as well as some human role models such as Jesus’ and John Mark’s parents. We’re also given untold hints throughout the general philosophy of the book.

There is a section in The URANTIA Book which we would all do well to ponder - 1921 “Early Home Life”. This is the part where John Mark spends a whole day alone with Jesus. Jesus instructs the lad concerning wise parenting and family life. The Midwayers tell us on 1922.4:

...it remains a fact that very few modern homes are such good places in which to nurture boys and girls as Jesus’ home in Galilee and John Mark’s home in Judea....

So what did these two homes have to offer which modern day homes lack? P.1922.4 also tells us:

It is our sincere belief that the gospel of Jesus' teaching, founded as it is on the father-child relationship, can hardly enjoy a world-wide acceptance until such a time as the home life of the modern civilized peoples embraces more of love and more of wisdom.

Jesus balances love and wisdom in parenting when he says to John Mark:

“Love, John, is the supreme reality of the universe when bestowed by all-wise beings, but it is a dangerous and oftentimes semiselfish trait as it is manifested in the experience of mortal parents. When you get married and have children of your own to rear, make sure that your love is admonished by wisdom and guided by intelligence.” [1922:1]

Jesus illustrates the wisdom of John’s parents on [1921:6]:

“I know you will prove loyal to the gospel of the kingdom because I can depend upon your present faith and love when these qualities are grounded upon such an early training as has been your portion at home. You are the product of a home where the parents bear each other a sincere affection, and therefore you have not been overloved so as injuriously to exalt your concept of self-importance. Neither has your personality suffered distortion in consequence of your parents' loveless maneuvering for your confidence and loyalty, the one against the other. You have enjoyed that parental love which insures laudable self-confidence and which fosters normal feelings of security. But you have also been fortunate in that your parents possessed wisdom as well as love; and it was wisdom which led them to withhold most forms of indulgence and many luxuries which wealth can buy while they sent you to the synagogue school along with your neighborhood playfellows, and they also encouraged you to learn how to live in this world by permitting you to have original experience.”

Then further down on p.1922:3:

The Master went on to explain to John how a child is wholly dependent on his parents and the associated home life for all his early concepts of everything intellectual, social, moral, and even spiritual since the family represents to the young child all that he can first know of either human or divine relationships. The child must derive his first impressions of the universe from the mother's care; he is wholly dependent on the earthly father for his first ideas of the heavenly Father. The child's subsequent life is made happy or unhappy, easy or difficult, in accordance with his early mental and emotional life, conditioned by these social and spiritual relationships of the home. A human being's entire afterlife is enormously influenced by what happens during the first few years of existence.

So if wisdom is so crucial to effective parenting it strikes me as odd that the begetting of a child is one of the most basic acts of the creature and can happen to us at such an immature age.

One of the biggest responsibilities human beings undertake in their lives is the rearing of families and yet the procreation of these families so often may happen carelessly, accidentally, thoughtless to consequences, and often at  a very young age when there has hardly been enough time to accumulate very much worldly wisdom, let alone possess much knowledge about wise parenting. Even in cases where people are having children much later, the lack of parental wisdom is prevalent. That knowledge does not come instinctively--it must be taught. Thousands of years of social evolution have taken place which have culminated in the family unit being the basic unit of our society. Through this basic institution morals and values are taught and handed down to generations. These morals and values have then become incorporated into the mores of our society. Here are a few examples of what The URANTIA Book has to say about the family unit (underlined emphasis mine):

While religious, social, and educational institutions are all essential to the survival of cultural civilization, the family is the master civilizer. A child learns most of the essentials of life from his family and the neighbors. [913:2]          

Today the human races possess a rich social and cultural heritage, and it should be wisely and effectively passed on to succeeding generations. The family as an educational institution must be maintained. [913:3]

...only families are continuing agencies in social evolution. The family is the channel through which the river of culture and knowledge flows from one generation to another. [931:2]

Cultures in past ages (even up to recent times as pre-20th century) seemed to have had a better grasp of parenting than modern day western cultures have. With the rise in our standards of living, there seems to have been a breakdown in the transference of family values and parental control over the moral character development of the young. In the relatively recent past, survival was tougher and children had to be taught harsh truths at an early age in order to survive. Today, however, (very broadly speaking), we tend to lavish our children with unbridled affection and seek to win our children over by giving in to their wants and immature desires. We tend not to teach them self-reliance as they become young adults; rather we tend to keep them dependant on us--is this the type of semiselfish love which Jesus referred to on P.1922:1 when talking to John Mark? Also our society in general doesn’t tend to recognise enough the value of wise and intelligent home making.

Therefore, it seems obvious to me that if our existing families are losing outside support, and are not as effective in passing down family values within the family unit to the next generation, we are in deep trouble indeed. If the solidity of the family unit breaks down, society breaks down. If the family ceases to be that “channel through which the river of culture and knowledge flows from one generation to another”, then perhaps our society needs to take a more active role in supporting and providing parenting and family education. The government on the neighbouring planet described to us in The URANTIA Book recognises the importance of the family unit:

These people regard the home as the basic institution of their civilization. It is expected that the most valuable part of a child's education and character training will be secured from his parents and at home... [811:4]

They have dealt with some of their problems by having laws which insist on parental and marriage education before couples embark on such a course:

Marriage before twenty--the age of civil enfranchisement--is not permitted. Permission to marry is only granted after one year's notice of intention, and after both bride and groom present certificates showing that they have been duly instructed in the parental schools regarding the responsibilities of married life. [812:1]

Our society is becoming engulfed with profit making. Untold industries target our youth as youth become more and more affluent. This market place has little concern for ethics or the moral and spiritual quality of our society. Hence materialistic pursuit creates and perpetuates a pleasure mania which appeals to, and looms so largely for our youth. Is this the danger to our society the book is referring to? Non-materialistic pursuits such as ethics, philosophy or religion have little meaning or value to the bulk of our youth (as well as adults), they tend to have trouble relating to these things. Non-material pursuits don’t make them “feel good”, they’re “boring”, and worst of all, they don’t make money! How then can values which hold civilisation together get transferred down from one generation to another when the focus is on money making and pleasure seeking? A couple of warnings about pleasure mania: (underline emphasis mine).

The great threat against family life is the menacing rising tide of self-gratification, the modern pleasure mania. [942:2]

And this overindulgence, this widely spread pleasure mania, now constitutes the greatest threat that has ever been leveled at the social evolutionary institution of family life, the home. [942:3]

Children and youths naturally have a tendency to indulge in pleasure pursuits; however they should soon grow to control these lower, more immature urges if their parents and society at large did not endorse this kind of behaviour and provided alternative pursuits more focused on non-materialistic endeavours. Sadly in our world today more and more adults are not good role models for the children in this regard.

Our society puts undue pressure and expectations on the youth to “achieve” and to “succeed” in the material world. Parents feel proud when their children become a “something”. Generally speaking, girls are growing up with the belief that staying at home bringing up children is a mindless thing to do. Do we acknowledge the worthiness of a person by the way they treat others in their relationships, or by how well adjusted they are to the rigours of living, or by what they believe in, or by the state of their inner life? Or do we value their worthiness by their material and academic achievements? Sadly I believe the latter is more correct than the former. Where’s the value in being a brilliant lawyer or doctor if that career comes between husband and wife causing a family breakdown, or if the career is more important than relationships resulting in having no genuine friendships, or if the career takes precedent over being a wise and intelligent parent? While material achievements are important, we need to initiate change so that our educational institutions, peer groups and society in general place more importance on producing the well-balanced, all round development of character and soul rather than on just material success.

The family starts with the parents--marriage, a conscious commitment to another person.

Marriage has given mankind the home, and the home is the crowning glory of the whole long and arduous evolutionary struggle. [913:1]

Marriage is the mother of all human institutions, for it leads directly to home founding and home maintenance, which is the structural basis of society. [939:3]

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Let’s consider marriage. For this discussion, a premise needs to be established that, according to The URANTIA Book, ideal family life needs to begin with a marriage between a man and a woman. Therefore, the relationship between these two needs to be rock solid if the family unit is to survive the rigours of time. The high divorce rate in modern societies in recent decades indicates that all is not well in the business of choosing the right partners--or is it that people today no longer have the need or incentive to work hard at relationships anymore? It may be useful now to look at some of the causes of these breakdowns and to consider that marriage breakdowns contribute to the breakdown of that “channel through which the river of culture and knowledge flows from one generation to another.” [931:2]. If the parents are too busy with materialistic pursuits or with working on or worrying about their relationships, how can they naturally provide that environment which the children need to grow in to become well-adjusted individuals? Let’s consider what The URANTIA Book has to say on these matters of marital failure:

This ideal of true pair marriage entails self-denial, and therefore does it so often fail just because one or both of the contracting parties are deficient in that acme of all human virtues, rugged self-control. [927:7]

Two pampered and spoiled youths, educated to expect every indulgence and full gratification of vanity and ego, can hardly hope to make a great success of marriage and home building--a life-long partnership of self-effacement, compromise, devotion, and unselfish dedication to child culture. [928:7]

The new and sudden substitution of the more ideal but extremely individualistic love motive in marriage for the older and long-established property motive, has unavoidably caused the marriage institution to become temporarily unstable.... The presence of large numbers of unmarried persons in any society indicates the temporary breakdown or the transition of the mores. [9286]

The great inconsistency of modern society is to exalt love and to idealize marriage while disapproving of the fullest examination of both. [929:3]

So the individual problem becomes the world’s problem and the world’s problem perpetuates problematic individuals. How to get around this “catch 22” situation? Before suggesting an answer to this question, let’s take a look at the components of marriage for a minute. We have two completely opposite members of the same species coming together and attempting to live together, bringing with them all their baggage of human frailties and individual character problems. Men and women find it hard to understand each other at the best of times. In this day and age there are differing views over the roles men and women play in rearing a family. Since women have joined the workforce in large quantities, responsibilities of the home and child rearing have become less well defined. Economic necessity and/or women’s yearnings to have careers while rearing children can put untold pressures on the marriage relationship, therefore on the whole family unit. The URANTIA Book has some interesting things to say on the emancipation of women:

In the ideals of pair marriage, woman has finally won recognition, dignity, independence, equality, and education; but will she prove worthy of all this new and unprecedented accomplishment? Will modern woman respond to this great achievement of social liberation with idleness, indifference, barrenness, and infidelity? Today, in the twentieth century, woman is undergoing the crucial test of her long world existence! [937:7]

Woman is man's equal partner in race reproduction, hence just as important in the unfolding of racial evolution; therefore has evolution increasingly worked toward the realization of women's rights. But women's rights are by no means men's rights. Woman cannot thrive on man's rights any more than man can prosper on woman's rights. 

Each sex has its own distinctive sphere of existence, together with its own rights within that sphere. If woman aspires literally to enjoy all of man's rights, then, sooner or later, pitiless and emotionless competition will certainly replace that chivalry and special consideration which many women now enjoy, and which they have so recently won from men.

Civilization never can obliterate the behavior gulf between the sexes. From age to age the mores change, but instinct never. Innate maternal affection will never permit emancipated woman to become man's serious rival in industry. Forever each sex will remain supreme in its own domain, domains determined by biologic differentiation and by mental dissimilarity. [938:1,2,3]

All this indicates to me that we have been biologically designed for certain functions and if we attempt to deny these functions we could be making trouble for the family institution. There is a fashionable school of thought around today which looks upon, almost as a taboo, the “patriarchal society”. There is an attempt to suppress the domination of men’s instincts. This is as futile and unfair as attempting to suppress a woman’s maternal instinct. If we look at nature we see how the male instinct loves to dominate. He loves to rule his own territory; he’ll fight and even kill to protect his own territory. The human race survived because of this aggressive trait of the male. This very trait resulted in his dominating woman as she is the weaker sex. In modern times, now that woman has earned her freedom from this domination, it doesn’t take away the fact that the male still has instincts to provide for and to protect his family. As women become more independent and more capable, she seems to become less reliant on the male for these basic needs. It has become unfashionable for a male to consider himself as “head of his own household” and yet he still yearns for this place in the order of things. Generally speaking, men and women in today’s marriages tend to compete with one another rather than to complement and cooperate with one another. When a woman competes for domination in a marriage, the male loses his drive to care and to protect. He feels displaced. The wind of “maleness” becomes deflated as the woman no longer acknowledges his role as head of the household.  

With the increase in welfare dependant single mothers amongst our youth, young males have no direction to channel their “male” energies. The women don’t need them for protection--the state has seen to that--so they occupy themselves with crime and pleasure mania. They become predators instead of providers. A wild, unbridled male on the loose with no sense of ethics or morality is a dangerous animal indeed. Children grow up without fathers present to give them that essential initial concept of a loving father, and these “fathers” have no family to provide for so they become a menace to society. The problems keep compounding as a result.

Back to marriage; competition between husbands and wives is futile. If men and women are working as a mature partnership and if they complement one another in their roles, they become a team--and every team needs a leader. A good leader does not dominate; rather he leads with wisdom and cooperation. This is where the male can make use of his biological instincts and the woman would do well to recognise this role. Consider what The URANTIA Book tells us about the relationship between Christ Michael and the Divine Minister (underlined emphasis mine):

It is at the enthronement of the Creator Son as a Master Son, at the jubilee of jubilees, that the Universe Spirit, before the assembled hosts, first makes public and universal acknowledgment of subordination to the Son, pledging fidelity and obedience. This event occurred in Nebadon at the time of Michael's return to Salvington after the Urantian bestowal. Never before this momentous occasion did the Universe Spirit acknowledge subordination to the Universe Son, and not until after this voluntary relinquishment of power and authority by the Spirit could it be truthfully proclaimed of the Son that "all power in heaven and on earth has been committed to his hand.

After this pledge of subordination by the Creative Mother Spirit, Michael of Nebadon nobly acknowledged his eternal dependence on his Spirit companion, constituting the Spirit coruler of his universe domains and requiring all their creatures to pledge themselves in loyalty to the Spirit as they had to the Son; and there issued and went forth the final "Proclamation of Equality." Though he was the sovereign of this local universe, the Son published to the worlds the fact of the Spirit's equality with him in all endowments of personality and attributes of divine character. And this becomes the transcendent pattern for the family organization and government of even the lowly creatures of the worlds of space. This is, in deed and in truth, the high ideal of the family and the human institution of voluntary marriage.          

The Son and the Spirit now preside over the universe much as a father and mother watch over, and minister to, their family of sons and daughters. [368:5, 369:1,2]

So there you have the perfect role model for marriage. The ideal team where all players are equal but there is a recognised and undisputed leader. After all, Michael is only trying to bring about what his loved one desires. How do these quotes sit with the women? Words such as “subordination” and “pledging obedience”--this part really made me sit up and think. Here’s the Divine Minister pledging obedience and subordinating herself to her husband, Christ Michael and then he promptly declares her as his equal. She’s recognised his leadership, he has earned her respect and they become the perfect parental team--then they tell us: “This is, in deed and in truth, the high ideal of the family and the human institution of voluntary marriage.”  Let’s ponder that one for a while. While the words “subordinate” and “pledge obedience” may not sit well with modern women in relation to their attitude to their men folk in a marriage, you start to get a glimpse of the truth and wisdom when seeing it practised by perfect beings. We tend to think of subordination as losing one’s individuality or identity and handing the reigns over to an autocratic ruler. However, I think we should broaden our outlook on this one and look for the truth of how we can apply these same principles to our earthly marriages. In this case the Divine Minister has voluntarily, of her own free will, decided to follow and cooperate with her husband. In return her husband has elevated her to equal standing. There is an interdependence there which both fully recognise.

So back to that “catch 22” situation--the individual problem is the world’s problem and the world’s problem perpetuates problematic individuals. How to get around this? As far as URANTIA Book readers go, I think we are very fortunate in that we have been given a lot of guide lines which we can adopt into our lives, hopefully transforming us as individuals which should have rippling effects in our own spheres of influence. However, on a broader scale, the mores of society change for the better when enough transformed individuals start having an influential effect on the broader community. I think the key to it is education. If education begins in the home, then the homes need to become effective training grounds. For homes to be effective, then individuals need to be educated in parenting and family life before embarking on that responsibility.  We need to nurture a more moralistic foundation within our family institutions to create the soil required for spiritually receptive individuals. Men and women need to understand their responsibilities and be mature in their commitments to one another. Governments need to recognise women’s role in home making as a vital link to the survival and progress of civilisation; the status of women in the home needs to be elevated, they need to be given economic incentives to remain at home whilst children are young. Women need to feel good about child rearing and not feel as if they are missing out on five to ten years of their life. There needs to be a shift in society’s value systems. If adults stop indulging themselves and their children in materialistic, indulgent pursuits, the children will follow suit. The family will start functioning as that “channel through which the river of culture and knowledge flows from one generation to another.” The basis of the pleasure mania we see today is greed and selfishness. The obsession with profit making is clouding people’s judgement and they forget the basic gospel teachings. If the profit motive becomes balanced with a service motive within society, then our youth would be a lot safer and society would become more progressive. These immature, non-spiritual traits of selfishness and greed will only fade into the background as more and more individuals become enlightened and improve their quality of life with non-materialistic pursuits such as:

... ethics, sociology, eugenics, philosophy, the fine arts, religion, and cosmology.

Having focused on some of these problems which The URANTIA Book has warned us about, and having looked to the book for guidance, my advice now is that all of us who recognise the severity of these problems look to our own skills and abilities and see what we can do to influence change in our own sphere of influence. If we feel our civilisation is in grave danger and the number of youths occupying themselves with materialistic pursuits in place of the arts is getting to that critical point which The URANTIA Book mentions, then we, as individuals, should take some sort of action in whatever way we can. I do not for one minute believe it is the role of any organised group of religionists or URANTIA Book readers to take any action of this kind other than assisting with the spiritual transformation of individuals. Action taken in the secular world is something each individual needs to work out for his or herself. The mores of our society will change for the better when a handful of forward looking, spiritually enlightened  men and women initiate changes to administration and education, when they are willing to get involved, to use the democratic process to lobby and to pressure our institutions of power and control. The powers to be need to be made to see the dangers facing our society; the silent moral majority need to be encouraged to speak out--to cry out for our children and for our children’s children.

Kathleen Swadling, Australia